I've been having problems coming up with an idea for a post lately. Especially with the Chik-fil-a post last month, and looking back at the summer as a whole I've been feeling really cynical and depressed. I mean really, the most stressful summer (possibly ever) both personally and generally; who could've expected that we'd have massive wild fires and a horribly tragic shooting within a few short months?
So I came up with the idea to search the internet and find some inspiration. And as I expected, results soon followed. Pinterest did not fail me (as it rarely does) and offered this little gem:
Where do I start? I'm not gonna lie, this might not be the first time this paper is visited in my bloggery. Not a word, but it's done. By the way, while we're on the subject, what are "two smileys" (day nine) and am I the only one who doesn't know?
Anyway, I'm not sure where to start, so I'll just do the first one. I'm not going to name the people, but I hope they know who they are, even though a couple are for people who are deceased. They're all people who mean something right now, and these are the things I would like to say now no matter how things are or will be.
10 things I would like to say to 10 different people:
1. Thanks for always being there with an open ear and a ready willingness for a distracting pointless adventure. With everything we've been through and the many years we've been friends, I know I could count on you for anything. You're the best best friend anyone could ask for. I really owe you more than I could even begin to repay and words would always leave me short when expressing thanks for you and everything you do.
2. There's something about growing up with someone that allows you to become closer to them in ways that no one else could, or no one would understand (not that it could be explained). Obviously it doesn't matter anymore. You're never going to admit or even understand why I couldn't be around the little girl I used to consider a sister, who eventually became someone who found herself in the back of a cop car or in a court room for things that never should've happened and wouldn't have if the little girl hadn't tried to grow up too soon. I couldn't make you understand that, even though I would always be there, I would rather not have to be and you couldn't respect me or my family enough to try. That's really what it comes down to: I couldn't be there for you and a lifestyle I didn't support, and I could never count on you to be there for me (not that I ever gave you a reason to be). We grew apart. We moved on and you used me and our friendship against me, and it needed to stop. I hope you've found the person who could be all the things I wasn't, and I hope they take care of you.
I miss you still, the person I grew up with who was more like another sister than just a friend, but I can't even say you're name without feeling like I've just said the foulest word there is. I told you not to respond, not just because I didn't want to hear your side-I'll admit, that was a small part of it- but it was mostly because when people stop being friends, communication stops. At least that's what I've heard, maybe I'm doing it wrong. But the point was that I thought you deserved an explanation, and I deserved the end. Two birds, one stone. I'm not sorry for the things I did or said, and I don't regret it. I would do it again tomorrow without so much as a breath of hesitation. I just hope, despite everything, that wherever life takes you; you find good friends, success in whatever you do and happiness always.
3. Thank you for listening when I needed a mothers opinion, just not my mothers. Thanks for always being genuinely interested and assuring. It really helped me keep whatever bit of my sanity I have left.
4. You're awesome, and he's a jerk. Forget him and remember all the other people around you who care about you.
I appreciate you and our friendship and how supportive, sympathetic and funny you are when I need it most, but don't know it. Thanks for letting me be myself and discover new things at the same time. I know you'll accomplish great things, even unintentionally.
5. No, I don't regret it. Yes I still think about you (rarely and fleeting) and the way things were but things will never go back to being that way again. It's better this way, trust me. I don't miss you and I would bet serious money that you think that the last time we talked I lied. Which explains everything, in ways that I never could. Actions speak louder than words. By the way, Marilyn Monroe got it right: things fall apart so better things can fall together. Anyway; peace out, good life, etc.
6. It's true what they say, you know: you never really appreciate what you have until it's gone. I feel like I wasn't even old enough to understand how much you had to offer in wisdom, cooking, and a humble yet graceful classiness- like keeping in touch with like a bazillion people over a lifetime- until the last few years. And by then, between working and school I was lucky to get one weekend to come and see your radiantly loving face. I miss you, I still can't believe you're gone. I went to an antique mall the other day with mom and dad and found a make-up compact that looked like it came straight from your dresser. I almost couldn't hold back the emotions I felt in that trapped setting. I have a feeling I haven't even begun to feel how devastating losing you is. If I gain even an iota of your personality, wisdom, or capacity for love, I'll consider myself and my life an incredible success. I love you to pieces.
7. Growing up is hard
but I want you to know that I'll be there for you (like the Bon Jovi
song) if ever, whenever you need: disney marathon, Jenna Marbles reference, shoulder to cry on, tidal wave, whatever (you better get the movie reference). I know you're going to go out to do great things. But remember: A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. -George Bernard Shaw. You're going to make plenty of mistakes along the way, but that's part of life. I know that even when life seems to be you're biggest enemy, you'll find a way to find the cure for cancer and write a best-selling novel.
Keep teaching me about good music, but
let me have the crappy stuff I love too. I will never ever be able to tell stories the way you
do. I get lost retelling a knock, knock joke. You're everything I'm not,
but you're also my best friend. You're my best friend, worst enemy,
greatest adversary, sidekick, teacher, listener, and hero. You're the
best. Seriously. The best. Don't ever ever forget that. Or I'll remind
you- I will. I love you.
8. I really owe so much to you. You were the best coach in mischief, love and growing up: that even a losing game deserves a tight hug. You taught me so much about appreciating the people around you, without even physically being present. You also taught me life isn't fair but pride and humility are important, even if it doesn't seem like there's a lot to be proud of, and that humility is a complicated but necessary art to master. That respect is earned, letting your emotions surface is ok sometimes, and to never let your enemies see how much they really affect you.
I wish you were still here, I miss you so much. There was so much more for you to give, but I'm certain we'll see each other again. Until then, I find you in the things around me like the smell of
cigarettes and coffee, striped polo shirts, black arm tattoos, white
side-burns, deep reclining armchairs, golf courses, Elvis Presley
songs and John Wayne movies. xoxo
9. Where do I start? Seriously, is it just me, or does it seem like there's been more in the last few months than in all the time we've known each other? I could never be mad you, especially for something that isn't your fault. We've never fought in all the time we've known each other, and I don't have any plans of changing that. :) Let's keep the drinking and laughing thing going, ok? I really missed you while you were gone, please don't do that again (at least for a while).
P.S: I went home and realized your dog is like literally, just like you. Think about it.
10. Thank you for your patience, understanding and silliness. Oh, and the stickers. Thanks for the stickers. :) It's been great to have something I can distract myself with without judgement that I've always respected and wanted to learn. I wouldn't have been able to accomplish all the progress thus far without you and all the support you give me. Can't wait for more great lessons, impressive progress and gold star stickers.
